What Doctors Need to Hear From Family Caregivers

This article includes: Information that you can view, download and print

This article is for people who are the primary, regular caregiver for an adult child, parent, other older relative or friend. For resources on communicating with medical professionals when you care for a minor child, or a child transitioning from pediatric to adult health care, you can view these resources from PAVE:

Introduction: The focus of this article is to help you understand:

  • Why it’s important for your loved one’s doctor to know about your family caregiving situation
  • What the doctor and medical team can do to support you as you care for their patient.

The article also covers basic information about the HIPPA Law and the legal healthcare documents you may need when you care for an adult with chronic medical condition or disabilities.

Caring for a family member or close friend

For many people, caring for a loved one who is aging or has a severe medical condition or a disability is natural. That’s what loving and helping means in a family. Caring at this level can create deep closeness; it’s a privilege to share so much time and have your actions show how much you love them.

At the same time, life doesn’t always accommodate family caregiving. Employers may not make it easy to take time off when your loved one needs you—even though in Washington State there are several options to take unpaid or paid leave. Other issues include not having enough room in your own house or adequate transportation to and from your loved one’s home. Some of us don’t realize how much time is involved. 

Family caregiving is usually a lot of work!  It can  be an additional job on top of the work you usually do. Juggling this “extra job,” regular employment and home life causes “caregiver stress.” All family caregivers are at risk for caregiver stress, as family caregiving continues and becomes more intense as a loved one ages or their health conditions get worse over time.

What do doctors know in general about family caregiving?

Pediatricians often assume parents or guardians who are raising a child with a disability or medical condition are a part of that child’s “medical team,” because parents are responsible for making sure that treatments are followed.

Doctors who treat adults, and those who treat elderly patients (geriatricians) don’t always have that viewpoint, even when their patient always comes to the office with a family member. They are usually more concerned with making sure the family caregiver understands their patient’s medical condition(s) and making sure the treatment plan is followed than having the caregiver be a part of a healthcare conversation.

If a medical professional has been a family caregiver, they know quite a lot based on their personal experiences. This often encourages them to ask their patient’s caregiver how the caregiving situation is going and how the caregiver is doing—physically and emotionally. When the medical professional doesn’t have that life experience, the caregiver is rarely asked anything about caregiving or their personal well-being. (You can read the study for free at Pub Med Central).

A 2020 study noted that 45% of family caregivers of adults and elders were never asked by their loved ones’ doctors if the caregiver needed support handling caregiving duties, including training on medication management, at-home medical procedures and safely helping with daily living activities. “Caregivers were often hesitant to speak up about these concerns, as medical visits can be short and they wanted the doctor to focus on the patient”. (Read about the study on the AARP website).

The good news is that this situation is changing. Family caregiving and family caregivers are a topic of national discussion by healthcare experts, lawmakers, government agencies, and medical professional associations. Whether they realize it or not, family caregivers are an essential, and usually unpaid, part of our health care system. Some policy makers want doctors and other medical professionals to do more for family caregivers, such as:

  • Being given training by medical professionals on how to safely perform medical tasks and treatments in the home (Medicare covers this type of training for family caregivers).
  • Taking time in each patient’s appointment to speak privately with the family caregiver about their own health and well-being
  •  Recognizing that the family caregiver’s level of stress or well-being affects their patient, and providing resources and referrals to support the family caregiver

“Expert guidelines already instruct health care providers to identify and work with caregivers, but this generally doesn’t make its way into practice,” said Dr. Anna Chodos, a Professor of Medicine at the University of California, San Francisco. Health care visits are structured around tasks that providers document and bill for, she explained. “If engaging with caregivers is not in that structure, it looks to health care providers like it’s not part of the visit”.

It’s important that your family caregiving situation is something your own medical providers and your loved one’s doctors know about, just like they need to know about other things that impact people’s lives. When they do not have this information, they end up making decisions about your loved one’s treatment or well-being without the full story. The care you give at home, and your ability to do it accurately affects your loved one’s health. Your:

  • Energy level
  • Sleep
  • Overall or specific health concerns or physical well-being
  • Mood or emotions
  • Employment
  • Financial situation
  • Other family members’ needs affect your loved one’s care, because they affect you.

How can you get a doctor’s attention to your family caregiving situation and your questions and concerns?

Become familiar with the important members of the medical practice team, especially the ones who pass on information to the doctor (a doctor’s assigned nurse or assigned medical assistant) and the staff at the front desk who schedule appointments. Treat them as the valued members of the team that they are, and they can be very helpful.

  • They can often help follow up with referrals, tests and lab results, and urgent prescriptions.
  • It makes sense to alert the doctor ahead of an appointment or even schedule a separate phone call with the doctor, the doctor’s nurse or medical assistant if you want to speak about specific issues.
  • It’s a good idea to begin with one or two urgent issues or questions, or a specific concern. This allows the medical professional to focus on your most important needs.
  • Does the medical practice have an online “health portal” where patients can make appointments, read lab results, pay bills, and contact the doctor or member of the medical team? If so, ask for access (with your loved one’s permission unless you are their healthcare proxy -see legal documents, below).
  • You can also request a scheduled phone or in-person discussion by email; most medical practices have a general office mailbox. You don’t have to give details by email but address the request to the person most likely to get the doctor’s attention (usually the nurse or medical assistant).

You can use this downloadable form to organize your thoughts or send it to the office.

Requests for Doctor and Medical Team

How does a family caregiver get access to important medical information with the HIPPA law?

Because HIPPA requires a patient’s consent to give out or share private medical information, even family members and family caregivers need to get permission from an adult person they care for, in order for doctors or hospitals to share information and medical records. Patients can pick up a HIPPA release form (also called a HIPPA waiver) at their doctor’s office that will allow for a caregiver to be a larger part of the healthcare conversations.

What legal documents do you and your loved one need for you to act for them on medical care?

To allow specifically named family members or other individuals to make health care decisions on their behalf, there are several options.  Which one is best for your situation depends on your loved one’s cognitive and verbal abilities. A lawyer can be consulted on how to go about getting the following. A Healthcare Proxy, also called Healthcare Power of Attorney, gives you, or someone else your loved one chooses, the authority to speak with doctors and make medical decisions on their behalf. Powers of Attorney are usually created with the assistance of a lawyer and signed by your loved one and by the person they choose to be their “agent”.

A Living Will is a written and legally binding document that tells a person’s doctors what their preferences are for end-of-life care. For a family caregiver, it lifts the burden of having to make decisions on this topic. Your loved one is the person who fills it out and signs it. Each state has different laws and practices on this type of document. AARP has a short article that also has links to state-specific Living Will forms.

The healthcare proxy and the living will are often part of one document called an “Advanced Directive,” because it tells healthcare professionals who can make medical decisions in advance of any situation where an individual is unable to communicate with their doctor or make decisions.

A Durable Power of Attorney is a type of power of attorney doesn’t depend on a physician declaring that your loved one has become incapacitated and unable to make their own medical decisions. It becomes effective once it has been signed by your loved one, and the person selected to have the power of attorney.

If the person you care for has Medicare health insurance, a Medicare Authorization to Disclose Personal Information gives a family caregiver the authority to talk with Medicare about claims, eligibility, payments to providers, and more. The form is available for download and print from the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

New Funding for Children and Youth Behavioral Health Respite

A Brief Overview

  • Respite care (short breaks) is important for all parents and other family caregivers. Being overwhelmed by caregiving tasks with no breaks is not good for the family caregiver and the person getting care.
  • WA State has been approved for additional Medicaid funding to provide respite for family caregivers of youth with high (complex) behavioral/mental health needs
  • This short article is advance notice about this new funding and who may be eligible.
  • There will be an important public hearing at 10 AM July 21, 2026 about this new respite program, to help the state decide how it will work. Family caregivers’ feedback at this hearing will help decide how the new respite program will work.

Article

In 2026, respite care for family caregivers of children and youth with behavioral health needs was approved by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services through a 1115 (Medicaid Demonstration) Waiver. Caregiver respite will be a service through WA State’s Department of Heath’s (DOH) Health-Related Social Needs. DOH is still planning how this will work, but overworked family caregivers are advised to be aware of the situation and start the process for receiving respite.

Part of the planning is the rulemaking process. Rulemaking means creating rules or guidelines for a new program. A public hearing on this matter is scheduled for July 21 at 10am, and is open to all. It’s important for family caregivers to share their opinions during the hearing so that rules and guidelines include their point of view and needs. The rulemaking process for caregiver respite is currently being led by the Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS).

The current goal date for caregiver respite to go into effect is January 2027.

The first groups to be served are children and youth up to age 20 with complex behavioral health needs requiring supervision by an unpaid (usually family) caregiver. Examples of programs serving this population include but are not limited to: Wraparound with Intensive Services (WISe), Mobile Response and Stabilization Services (MRSS), and outpatient community behavioral health programs. If your child or youth are served by these or very similar programs, you, as the family caregiver, may qualify for the new respite services.

To receive these respite services, families with children or youth with behavioral health issues need to be screened and approved by the Health Related Social Needs (HRSN) services.  This can be done by a direct referral by a healthcare provider or social worker, a Community Care hub, or by a care coordinator from an MCO (Managed Care Organization). To find a local Community Care Hub, use this sheet from the Washington Health Care Authority (HCA). Community Care Hubs provide many services in addition to respite referrals, so any family on, or that is eligible for, Medicaid or Apple Heath who is struggling with housing, food, and other necessities, are advised to look into those options.

Asking for Help is a Selfless Act for Family Caregivers

Many family caregivers find it difficult to ask for help in taking care of their loved ones. Whether it’s because they don’t want to burden others, not wanting to admit they need help, or feel that it’s “something that family does”, caregivers often don’t ask for help, or they reject help when it is offered. Despite the best intentions behind this, it’s not good for the caregiver or the person they care for. Overburdened and overwhelmed caregivers are not as effective at caregiving. Their loved one, who can tell that their caregiver is exhausted, may feel frustrated and guilty. Getting assistance from outside sources is helpful for everyone. Use these ideas to begin!

Start small: Ease into taking caregiving breaks (respite breaks). If a friend or family member offers to stay with your loved one, make the first respite break short. Have them take over care while you take a shower, run an errand, or take a walk. These short breaks will allow your friend or family member to get a feel for caregiving and allow you and the person you care for to adjust. This easing into respite can be especially important if the person you care for is an individual with intellectual or developmental disabilities or a person with dementia who has trouble adjusting to change.

Think about the interests and strengths of your friends and family. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, things they enjoy and things they dislike. Keep these in mind when using a family member or friend to help with caregiving. Allow your cousin who loves to cook to make a meal and your neighbor who loves to drive around town take your loved one to appointments. If a potential caregiver and your loved one have something in common that they enjoy, all the better.

Be prepared: Before anyone starts helping, put together a full sheet of information on the person you care for. This should include medications, schedule, likes and dislikes, and emergency contact information. Include what you want the caregiver to do, like help with bathing, cooking, or exercises.

Timing is everything: Ask for help in respite care during a time that is convenient for the potential respite caregiver. This means contacting them at a time when you know they will not be busy and asking their help at times when they are not working or are busy with other responsibilities. If you don’t know their specific schedule, ask when they might be free to help.

Be honest: When you ask for caregiving help, honesty is the best policy. Explain to the potential caregiver why you need a break, and why you think they would be a great person to help fill that gap. Also be up front about your concerns, as they will help the potential caregiver decide if they feel comfortable helping.

Accept the word “no”: Not everyone is comfortable being a caregiver, even if they have been one in the past. People’s lives are busy, they have plenty of other stress, and sometimes they have private issues that would keep them from being a respite caregiver. This doesn’t mean that they care about you or your loved one any less; it just means that they are not mentally or physically able to help in this manner. You can always ask for other forms of help, like having them run errands for you when you are too busy or bringing a meal occasionally. Allowing someone to say no to caregiving but still help when needed is valuable to everyone involved.

Plan ahead: You never know when you will need emergency respite, so having a couple of people on standby who have some experience in caregiving for your loved one is essential. Read more about planning for emergency respite in our article “Do You Have an Emergency Respite Plan?

Share the care: Just as no single person should have to be completely responsible for another person’s care, so there should be more than one respite caregiver. Think critically about your own friends and family who would be willing to help, along with the friends and family of the person who needs care, some of whom you may not know as well. They may wish to help, but don’t know how to ask. Having several people help from time to time means none of them get burnt out, and your loved one gets to see an array of friendly faces.

What about reaching beyond family and immediate friends to the groups in which you have been active, such as your exercise class members, your faith community, your parent group, etc. You might say something like “I haven’t been to book group in a while because I’ve been caring for my father, and I’m badly in need of a break. Do you think you might be able to come over and read to Dad for an hour next week?”

Think about professional respite care: There are a variety of ways to afford professional services for the person receiving care. Explore these resources from PAVE: