Tag: holidays

Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays: Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays 

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

A Brief Overview 

  • Social interactions can be particularly challenging during the holiday season due to frequent and overwhelming gatherings. 
  • Neurodivergent individuals who enjoy socializing may prefer calm, predictable settings. 
  • Structured social activities provide a comfortable way for neurodivergent individuals to engage with others, as they offer clear rules and a shared experience. 
  • Family gatherings can be stressful due to interactions with relatives they don’t see often, leading to feelings of overwhelm. 
  • It’s crucial to respect the boundaries of neurodivergent individuals, allowing them to make their own choices about social interactions and providing opportunities for breaks to avoid overstimulation. 
  • Understanding and respecting their social preferences and boundaries, especially during the holiday season, helps ensure neurodivergent individuals feel safe, respected, and included. 

Full Article 

Navigating social interactions can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals, especially during the holiday season when gatherings are frequent and often overwhelming. While some neurodivergent people enjoy socializing, they may prefer calm and predictable environments where they can engage in structured activities. Understanding their unique needs and preferences is crucial for creating a supportive and inclusive atmosphere that allows them to participate comfortably and meaningfully. 

Comfort in calm familiarity 

Neurodivergent people who enjoy socializing may prefer calm, predictable gatherings. They might like sitting with a friend to play video games, quietly working on a puzzle together, or playing board games. When faced with a loud, busy family gathering, neurodivergent individuals may withdraw or seek out one person they enjoy chatting with—someone who genuinely respects and understands their accommodation needs, and with whom they can happily spend time discussing a single subject. This person feels safe to them. However, it’s important to recognize that their safe person might need a break too, so having multiple people that they feel safe with can be beneficial. 

Incorporating structured activities 

For neurodivergent individuals, having structured social activities like board games or group video games can provide a comfortable way to engage with others. Social rules and nuances can often be confusing, making unstructured mingling feel overwhelming and unmanageable. Structured activities offer a more supportive environment for social interaction with the rules clearly identified and a shared experience to drive conversation. Baking together, wrapping presents, and completing holiday crafts are all shared experiences that have clear instructions and goals. These activities not only make socializing more manageable but also add a festive and inclusive touch to holiday gatherings. 

Overstimulation with unfamiliar relatives 

Even family gatherings can feel strange and stressful. Talking to relatives they don’t see often can be tough for your loved one as they work out how to talk and act around people that feel unfamiliar, even if they are family. This can be overwhelming since they have to understand and respond to different social cues and expectations that might not be easy or comfortable for them. 

To help ease this stress, consider preparing your loved one in advance by discussing who will be at the gathering and what to expect. Shared interests can be a great way to connect with others and make conversations more engaging. Tell or remind the neurodivergent individual of interests they have in common with relatives they don’t see as often to help start conversations. Socializing can be challenging, so it’s important to be patient and provide support without pressure. 

Supporting boundaries and choice 

Even with careful planning and maintaining traditions, the holiday season can still be overwhelming. Back-to-back events can be exhausting for anyone, but they can quickly become overstimulating for neurodivergent individuals. Seeing new people or people they only see once a year, having to navigate complex social hierarchies, and often trying to hide their neurodivergent traits to fit in can be very draining. While it is important to encourage your neurodivergent loved one to engage, it’s also critical to respect their boundaries and teach them how to have agency. Agency refers to their ability to make their own choices and decisions about social interactions, ensuring they feel empowered and in control. Allowing them to sit out some holiday parties for the sake of their own wellbeing can be a gift of emotional recharge, ensuring they don’t come out of the season completely exhausted. 

Conclusion 

Recognizing and respecting the social preferences and boundaries of neurodivergent individuals is essential, especially during the busy holiday season. Providing structured activities and allowing for breaks can help them manage the stress and overstimulation that often accompany large gatherings. By fostering an environment of understanding and support, we can ensure that neurodivergent individuals feel safe, respected, and included, ultimately enhancing their social experiences and overall well-being. 

Learn More about Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays 

This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members, which began with Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays. Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling provides tips and strategies to support neurodivergent individuals during travel to minimize stress. Learn Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones to ensure they can enjoy the festivities and participate in making memories. Finally, Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays provides strategies for managing stress and overstimulation in social situations. 

Additional information: 

Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays: Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

A Brief Overview

  • This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members, which began in Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays and continues in Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling and Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays.
  • The holidays bring various sensory inputs that can be joyful for some but overwhelming for others.
  • It’s important to plan for managing these sensory experiences to help neurodivergent loved ones.
  • Identify or create a calm space where the neurodivergent person can decompress and avoid or reduce overwhelm.
  • Preferences for specific sensory supports should be discussed with the neurodivergent individual.
  • Recognize and normalize self-stimulatory behaviors, or “stims”, that do not cause physical harm to themselves or others as coping mechanisms for managing sensory input and stress.
  • Plan for touch-sensitive individuals by setting boundaries, providing scripts for addressing unwanted touch, and having an escape plan.
  • Foster an inclusive environment by understanding and respecting sensory needs, ensuring clear communication, and seeking feedback from neurodivergent loved ones.

Full Article

The holidays are full of sensory experiences. Flickering candles, holiday music, the aromas of food cooking, the fur on an unfamiliar dog, and the sounds of rambunctiously happy family members all provide sensory input. What is a source of joy for one person may be a cause for overwhelm to another. To help manage these varying sensory experiences, it’s important to plan ahead.

A calm space

Identifying or creating a space where to take a break and still have fun eases the intensity and allows your loved one to decompress. The “veg-out room” usually creates itself, when people go there to relax and watch TV marathons while their stomachs settle after a big meal. By dimming the lights and keeping things quiet in this space, you can quickly and easily build a calming environment for neurodivergent family members to retreat, relax, and rejoin social activities when it is right for them.

Sensory systems and preferences

To reduce the potential for being overwhelmed, your loved one may need to wear earbuds or headphones during social periods or other activities. Similarly, weighted clothing or objects (like blankets or stuffed toys) may provide a sense of comfort and security. Sensory supports are not one-size-fits-all, so talk with your loved one about their preferences. If you notice their preferences related to a specific sensory system, they may be interested in exploring other ways to meet their sensory needs at a later time. PAVE provides a downloadable introducing to The Sensory Systems and How to Meet Their Needs in the article, Giving the Gift of Sensory Regulation, Supporting a Happy Holiday Season for All. Resist the urge to introduce new sensory supports without input from your neurodivergent loved one and especially during the holidays, when there are already many unfamiliar experiences to navigate.

Normalizing self-stimulation

Many neurodivergent people do specific repetitive behaviors to manage sensory input, reduce anxiety, or express themselves. These self-stimulatory behaviors, or “stims”, are ways they’ve learned intuitively to comfort themselves, cope in times of stress, and even express joy. Being able to respectfully discuss and normalize stimming that does not cause harm to themselves or others helps to create a more inclusive environment. Thought-out responses can turn an angry retort into a teaching moment, such as, “Everyone has their own way of being and this is her way of pushing through her discomfort to spend this time with us. She is doing her best and we’re glad she’s here!”

Touch sensitivities

Unexpected touch can be very upsetting, especially those who are touch sensitive. Even those who would usually understand touch sensitivity may cross boundaries during the holidays. When consent to touch can’t be communicated or understood, preparation is critical. If your loved one is touch sensitive, there are some things you can do ahead of time to accommodate and support their needs:

  • Plan an escape route to a place where they can find sanctuary.
  • Remind family and friends of acceptable touch before you gather. For example, “I hope your saving your hugs for me and your fist-bumps for Theo!”
  • Provide scripts for addressing unwanted touch from children, pets, and adults. For instance, telling a child, “I really don’t want you climbing on my lap, but you can sit next to me on the couch and show me your Pokémon game.” Communicating to a pet owner, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by Cooper trying to put her head in my space. Can you keep her behind the dog gate?”, can help mitigate the overwhelming touch before it happens.
  • Assemble a team of supporters to gently redirect unwelcome touch and serve as a shield. These family members and friends can step in as needed to respectfully uphold boundaries, such as sitting between your loved one and a reaching child or holding a persistent animal to keep it from jumping on them.
  • Prepare an escape plan by arranging for an individual they feel safe with to pick them up, if their touch boundaries are not respected.

Conclusion

Creating a supportive and inclusive holiday environment involves understanding and respecting the sensory needs of neurodivergent loved ones. By providing sensory supports and clear communication about touch boundaries, we can help them navigate the holiday season with greater comfort and ease. Seeking feedback from your neurodivergent loved one and giving them a sense of agency in determining their sensory supports ensures their needs are met effectively. With careful planning and empathy, we can ensure that everyone, regardless of their sensory preferences, can enjoy the holidays and create cherished memories together.

Learn More about Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays

This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members, which began with Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays. Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling provides tips and strategies to support neurodivergent individuals during travel to minimize stress. Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays provides strategies for managing stress and overstimulation in social situations.

Additional information:

Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

The holidays are a fun and festive time that can also be overwhelming, especially for those whose brains operate differently from what is typical or expected. This difference is called neurodivergence and it encompasses a variety of brain-based disabilities.

A Brief Overview

Introduction

People often see travel, new food, music, and new social situations as some of the joys of holidays, but those who are neurodivergent can find these experiences overwhelming. This doesn’t mean they dislike the holidays; it just requires some preparation to make the season inclusive and enjoyable for your neurodivergent loved one.

To achieve an inclusive experience, your loved one should feel comfortable explaining their accessibility needs and asking for support when necessary, confident that those around them will respond with understanding and accommodate their needs. Overall, special attention should be focused on providing a sense of agency, which means giving individuals control over their own choices and actions. This includes planning for neurodivergent needs ahead of time rather than improvising and hoping for the best.

Travel

Traveling during the holidays can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals due to changes in routine, unfamiliar environments, and sensory overload. To support your loved one, consider planning travel itineraries that include ample downtime, familiar items for comfort, and clear, detailed schedules to reduce anxiety. Additionally, choosing quieter travel times and less crowded destinations can help create a more manageable experience. Learn more about Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling in this article.

Sensory Considerations

Sensory sensitivities are common among neurodivergent individuals, making it essential to create a holiday environment that minimizes sensory overload. This can include using soft lighting, reducing loud noises, and providing sensory-friendly activities. Offering options like noise-canceling headphones, weighted blankets, or fidget toys can also help your loved one feel more at ease during holiday gatherings. Some neurodivergent individuals may find certain textures or physical contact uncomfortable or overwhelming. Preparing scripts, promoting awareness, and supporting touch boundaries can help your loved on engage to the best of their ability and personal comfort. For tips to support sensory needs, read Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays: Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones and download hands-on tools in Giving the Gift of Sensory Regulation, Supporting a Happy Holiday Season for All.

Social Overwhelm

Social interactions can be overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals, especially during large holiday gatherings. Creating comfortable social spaces involves setting up quiet areas where your loved one can retreat if they need a break from the festivities. It’s also helpful to establish clear social expectations and provide opportunities for smaller, more intimate interactions. Encouraging open communication needs and boundaries can ensure everyone enjoys the holiday season. To explore more strategies for supporting your neurodivergent loved one’s social challenges, check out the article: Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays: Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays.

Routine adaptations

Navigating the holidays can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals when an expected routine does not happen, often referred to as a “routine violation.” Some neurodivergent individuals enjoy doing the same things daily so they feel less distressed by the unexpected aspects of life and better able to cope. For example, eating the same food for breakfast, following the same morning routine, or going on the same walk may help them maintain a sense of stability and predictability. The holidays are full of routine violations, including both fun aspects (like getting presents, which can however cause difficulties around knowing an appropriate response) and more challenging ones (such as unexpected food and not being able to do the things that help you cope).

Planning for routine violations can help, as you can make adaptations that support the individual’s needs. It’s critical to have conversations about what aspects of the routine are the most essential and identify methods to support these aspects with the individual’s feedback. For example, allowing someone to bring fruit bars for their breakfast might be a very easy way to support their daily breakfast routine. Knowing ahead of time that a loved one has a personal routine at a set time every day allows for adaptations in planning, such as driving in separate vehicles or arranging for someone they trust to transport them. Adaptations can support routines, often with little to no impact on others’ holiday experience.

Maintaining holiday traditions that offer familiarity and comfort is also important. Certain traditions, such as White elephant gift exchanges or board games, may be beloved components of every holiday. Much anticipated activities and annual traditions can also positively support routine needs, despite them happening less frequently than daily routines.

Crisis Planning

Sometimes, even with everything going as planned, things can still go wrong. In such cases, a neurodivergent crisis can appear as an individual shutting down or melting down. While a shutdown may be a less disruptive internal experience requiring a quiet space to withdraw to and recover, it is still a crisis. In contrast, a meltdown presents a more challenging situation that may be more obvious and impact others. Having a clear crisis plan ensures everyone knows what to do to support your loved one, where the person can go, and how to keep them safe while avoiding embarrassment or guilt during the holidays. Being prepared can make all the difference in managing these difficult moments effectively and fostering acceptance.

Final Thoughts

While the holidays can be a joyous time filled with celebrations and new experiences, they can also be overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals. By understanding and accommodating their unique needs through proactive planning, clear communication, and providing a sense of agency, we can create an inclusive and enjoyable holiday season for everyone. This involves thoughtful travel arrangements, sensory-friendly environments, manageable social interactions, routine adaptations, and crisis planning, ensuring that the holidays are a time of comfort and joy for all. Empowering neurodivergent loved ones to manage their needs effectively fosters a sense of belonging and acceptance within the family. By fostering an environment of understanding and support, we can help our neurodivergent loved ones fully participate in the festive spirit of the season, creating a better and more inclusive experience for everyone.

Below is an infographic of the information above.

Download this infographic in PDF form

Creating Inclusive Holidays for Neurodivergent Loved Ones

Learn More about Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays

This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members. Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling provides tips and strategies to support neurodivergent individuals during travel to minimize stress. Learn Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones to ensure they can enjoy the festivities and participate in making memories. Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays provides strategies for managing stress and overstimulation in social situations.

Additional information:

Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays: Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling 

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

A Brief Overview

  • This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members, which began in Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays and continues in Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones and Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays.
  • Social interactions can be particularly challenging during the holiday season due to frequent and overwhelming gatherings.
  • Neurodivergent individuals who enjoy socializing may prefer calm, predictable settings.
  • Structured social activities provide a comfortable way for neurodivergent individuals to engage with others, as they offer clear rules and a shared experience.
  • Family gatherings can be stressful due to interactions with relatives they don’t see often, leading to feelings of overwhelm.
  • It’s crucial to respect the boundaries of neurodivergent individuals, allowing them to make their own choices about social interactions and providing opportunities for breaks to avoid overstimulation.
  • Understanding and respecting their social preferences and boundaries, especially during the holiday season, helps ensure neurodivergent individuals feel safe, respected, and included.

Full Article

Navigating social interactions can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals, especially during the holiday season when gatherings are frequent and often overwhelming. While some neurodivergent people enjoy socializing, they may prefer calm and predictable environments where they can engage in structured activities. Understanding their unique needs and preferences is crucial for creating a supportive and inclusive atmosphere that allows them to participate comfortably and meaningfully.

Comfort in calm familiarity

Neurodivergent people who enjoy socializing may prefer calm, predictable gatherings. They might like sitting with a friend to play video games, quietly working on a puzzle together, or playing board games. When faced with a loud, busy family gathering, neurodivergent individuals may withdraw or seek out one person they enjoy chatting with—someone who genuinely respects and understands their accommodation needs, and with whom they can happily spend time discussing a single subject. This person feels safe to them. However, it’s important to recognize that their safe person might need a break too, so having multiple people that they feel safe with can be beneficial.

Incorporating structured activities

For neurodivergent individuals, having structured social activities like board games or group video games can provide a comfortable way to engage with others. Social rules and nuances can often be confusing, making unstructured mingling feel overwhelming and unmanageable. Structured activities offer a more supportive environment for social interaction with the rules clearly identified and a shared experience to drive conversation. Baking together, wrapping presents, and completing holiday crafts are all shared experiences that have clear instructions and goals. These activities not only make socializing more manageable but also add a festive and inclusive touch to holiday gatherings.

Overstimulation with unfamiliar relatives

Even family gatherings can feel strange and stressful. Talking to relatives they don’t see often can be tough for your loved one as they work out how to talk and act around people that feel unfamiliar, even if they are family. This can be overwhelming since they have to understand and respond to different social cues and expectations that might not be easy or comfortable for them.

To help ease this stress, consider preparing your loved one in advance by discussing who will be at the gathering and what to expect. Shared interests can be a great way to connect with others and make conversations more engaging. Tell or remind the neurodivergent individual of interests they have in common with relatives they don’t see as often to help start conversations. Socializing can be challenging, so it’s important to be patient and provide support without pressure.

Supporting boundaries and choice

Even with careful planning and maintaining traditions, the holiday season can still be overwhelming. Back-to-back events can be exhausting for anyone, but they can quickly become overstimulating for neurodivergent individuals. Seeing new people or people they only see once a year, having to navigate complex social hierarchies, and often trying to hide their neurodivergent traits to fit in can be very draining. While it is important to encourage your neurodivergent loved one to engage, it’s also critical to respect their boundaries and teach them how to have agency. Agency refers to their ability to make their own choices and decisions about social interactions, ensuring they feel empowered and in control. Allowing them to sit out some holiday parties for the sake of their own wellbeing can be a gift of emotional recharge, ensuring they don’t come out of the season completely exhausted.

Conclusion

Recognizing and respecting the social preferences and boundaries of neurodivergent individuals is essential, especially during the busy holiday season. Providing structured activities and allowing for breaks can help them manage the stress and overstimulation that often accompany large gatherings. By fostering an environment of understanding and support, we can ensure that neurodivergent individuals feel safe, respected, and included, ultimately enhancing their social experiences and overall well-being.

Learn More about Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays

This is part of a four-part series on the topic of creating joyful and inclusive holidays for neurodivergent family members, which began with Supporting a Neurodivergent Family Member During the Holidays. Meeting Neurodivergent Needs While Traveling provides tips and strategies to support neurodivergent individuals during travel to minimize stress. Learn Sensory-Friendly Tips for Neurodivergent Loved Ones to ensure they can enjoy the festivities and participate in making memories. Finally, creating Comfortable Social Spaces for Neurodivergent Individuals During the Holidays provides strategies for managing stress and overstimulation in social situations.

Additional information:

Holiday Survival Tips For Families with Special Healthcare Needs

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

A Brief Overview 

Every family experiences holidays and end-of-year transitions differently. This article provides a sampling of ideas for families with children (of any age) experiencing special healthcare needs or disability. If a child also experiences behavioral difficulties, you may wish to read Home for the Holidays: The Gift of Positive Behavior Support 

Here are some quick takeaways: 

  • Keep to your everyday schedule and routine as much as possible to minimize medical and behavioral impacts. 
  • Add fun with home-based holiday activities and traditions tailored to your family’s needs or select family or group activities which work with your child’s medical needs. 
  • Plan and save surprises too: Mix up the activities so children can help with some planning and enjoy a few surprises. 
  • Plan for health and safety if travel is on the schedule. 
  • The article includes suggestions for parents and other family caregivers to help support you as a family caregiver during the busy holiday season. Includes ideas for parents in the “sandwich generation”.
  • Gratitude is a gift: Moments of thankfulness calm the mind. For additional stress-reducers, PAVE has a practical gift: Self-Care Videos for Families Series. We also offer short videos to help everyone find calm (Try Hot Chocolate Breath!): Mindfulness Video Series. 

Full Article:

Get Holiday Help

Parents and family members who care for an individual with special health care needs or a disability are already busier than most people. It’s very common for a primary caregiver, the person usually caring for a person with health needs or disability, to believe that all the extra planning for holiday time is their responsibility, too.

This season, use these reminders and tips to help yourself as a parent or other family caregiver to some holiday spirit:

Share your holiday wish list with extended family and friends. Here are some ideas:

  • Ask for time off from caregiving duties as a gift for the holidays (respite).  Can another family member, extended family member, or friend take over some caregiving tasks? Perhaps they could pay, or help you pay for a home care worker or a stay at a respite facility.
  • Can a family member or friend help with chores, household maintenance, holiday cleaning, shopping, decorating? Look at your household’s to-do list and just ask.
  • Childcare when school’s out: “You know, for Channukah this year, I’d love it if you could come over and play with the younger kids while I do XYZ”.
  • Gift certificates for relaxing /pampering activities are great too: spa time, for example!

Order in holiday-time meals or ask for the pre-holiday gift of donations of baked goods, meals you can freeze/reheat, or gift cards to food delivery services from restaurants or supermarkets.

Money: Make a holiday spending budget with your spouse or partner to reduce financial stress. Ask extended family members to agree on a dollar limit for gifts and/or set up a gift exchange where names are drawn.

Are you a “sandwich generation” caregiver, caring for both children and older family members with health or other conditions?  Carol Bradley Bursack, writing on Aging Care, shares this insight:

“The squeeze of generations and the countless needs of each leave little time for caregivers to think of their own needs. Members of the sandwich generation know this dilemma well. Prioritizing our own health and enjoyment winds up feeling like just another task, so we knock it to the bottom of the to-do list and keep on doing for everyone else…

Communicate with your loved ones. Even small children can understand—if they are told in a loving way—that your time is short or you have to cut corners because Grandma and other family members rely on you, too. Communicate the same thing to the elder(s) in your care. Helping the entire family understand that each person’s desires are important to you but that you have a lot on your plate can help keep their expectations more realistic. You’d be surprised how much a senior, even one who has dementia, can understand.”

Learn more about the difficult choices facing “sandwich generation” family caregivers in another article by Carol Bradley Bursack, A Story from the Sandwich Generation: Caring for Kids and Parents1

Decide Which Routines and Schedules Might Be “Holiday Flexible” 

“Many children with disabilities rely on schedules, either as a coping strategy or for medical reasons. It is critical to keep your child on schedule during the holidays as much as possible. This may mean leaving an event early or arriving later to accommodate tube feedings or respiratory treatments. It may mean putting your child to bed on time, even at Aunt Sally’s midnight party.” -Susan Agrawal, complexchild.org .  A “reason” for leaving an event might make it easier for a child to leave an event when others are staying. “It’s time for us to get the food ready for Santa’s reindeer” or “let’s head home for a special holiday treat” may help get everyone out the door!

If your family can accommodate a bit more flexibility, a “Holiday” sleep schedule with an extra hour of special family time before bed might add a fun holiday flavor. For others, sleeping in or staying in jammies longer than usual might create a relaxing holiday feel. Be sure to call out these relaxed rules as holiday specials so everyone understands they are temporary changes and part of the “break.” 

Keeping to a schedule and getting regular physical exercise and good sleep is important for everyone else in the family, too!

Set Expectations with Extended Family

No holiday is ever perfect, and unrealistic expectations can cause a celebration to sour. Communicating with relatives and friends can help: 

  • Make a “Gift Wish List” for your child with special healthcare needs to let relatives and friends know what gifts will be good for your child based on what they might need to avoid and what they can use and enjoy. Many large retailers (Target and Kohls, for example) carry lines of adaptive clothing and sensory products and toys. 
  • Ask for understanding and support from family and friends to reinforce positive messages and realistic expectations. Saying no might be important, so choose what works and toss the guilt if the family needs to pass on a tradition or an invitation. Or use the “No, but” strategy and offer an alternative such as a different time or activity, or a virtual get-together.

Travel 

For families choosing to travel, bags with medication and equipment still need to include masks, hand sanitizer, and sanitizing wipes. Even with mask mandates mostly a thing of the past, it’s sensible to have these on hand for crowded airports and planes and visiting more vulnerable, elderly relatives.  

If plans include planes and trains, be sure to let agents and attendants know about a family member’s special accommodation needs.  

  • Washington travelers can make preflight preparations from Sea-Tac Airport by sending an email to the Sea-Tac Airport customer service.  
  • The phone number for the Spokane Airport Administrative Offices: (509) 455-6455. Amtrak provides a range of Accessible Travel Services. 
  • TSA Cares is designed to aid travelers with disabilities with TSA screening procedures. Call them at 855-787-2227 (8 AM to 11 PM Eastern Time M-F, and 9 AM-8 PM Eastern weekends and holidays). 

Sugary treats might impact planning for children with diabetes: An insulin pump might help during the temporary splurges so a child can enjoy the holiday without feeling too different or overwhelmed. 

  • Visions of sugar plums might need a different flavor for children with specific allergies or food sensitivities. Being prepared with substitutions may prevent a child from feeling left out. If someone else is doing the cooking, be sure to share about any severe allergies to make sure utensils and mixing containers do not get cross-contaminated. 

Add Fun 

ASK your family-what do they like best about a holiday? (Christmas, Channukah, Kwanzaa, Diwali, Eid al-Fitr, etc.) Keep these wishes in mind when you select and plan for holiday activities. This may help you to keep your to-do list focused on what your family looks forward to, or would like to change, rather than an overwhelming set of holiday “to-dos”.

Give the gift of Giving. Every person deserves the chance to be of help to others and make them feel loved. Small children, children with special health conditions, children of any age with intellectual disabilities, children with developmental disabilities can participate in the act of giving holiday gifts. It’s a great way to boost a person’s capabilities and sense of belonging.

Making home-made holiday cards, simple handcrafted items, baked goods, or purchased inexpensive items from a dollar store can be great holiday family activities or a chance to spend one-to-one time with an individual child.

Families can set aside time for, or add on to ordinary routines, time for reading special holiday stories, playing games, or watching silly holiday movies. Laughter is therapeutic!

Understanding your child’s healthcare needs and vulnerabilities can help with deciding which activities are right for your family. It’s also important to think about which activities will help you, the caregiving parent or family member, recharge—and which ones to prioritize in terms of time and energy.

  • Drive-through light shows, streaming concerts, theater, and holiday events are options in some areas that won’t expose a medically vulnerable child to other people’s germs. 
  • If weather and your family’s needs permit, outdoor holiday activities with groups of people are less likely to spread illness, as we all learned during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Think of tree lightings, caroling, snow-sculpture or snowman-making events, and of course winter sports, if appropriate, for your child and family. 
  • One tradition that has always been virtual is the NORAD Santa tracker, which keeps tabs on Santa’s travel on Christmas Eve and has kid-centered games and songs. 

Finding the “just-right” amount of holiday celebrating can be tricky, so keep the Three Bears/Goldilocks principle in mind. For children who understand this theme, families can use the classic story to talk about how everyone makes choices about what is the “just right” amount of celebrating, eating, screen time, sleeping. 

Plan and Save Surprises Too 

A theme for the year can add a new flavor to family traditions. Here are some suggested themes: 

  • How I celebrated when I was a kid. 
  • Christmas 1821, 1721, etc. 
  • Holiday food, decorations, stories, music, etc. from another culture. 

The family can research the theme together to come up with ideas and activities. A theme night might include a chance for each family member to share something or lead an activity. On story night, each person might share a favorite holiday memory or a made-up story. If extended family want to take part, a video conference might be an added element to the evening. 

Adults can set aside a few ideas to save for in-the-moment surprises to sprinkle in. A prize, special treat, well-told joke, customized family game, or a surprise “guest” on the phone are a few ideas to plan out in advance. 

Gratitude is a Gift 

Gratitude helps the mind escape from stress-thinking and move toward feelings of peacefulness and grace. Taking a few moments to mindfully reflect on something that brings joy, beauty, love, sweetness—anything that feels positive—can create a sense of ease.

For additional stress-reducers, PAVE provides a practical gift: Self-Care Videos for Families Series. We also offer short videos to help everyone find calm (Try Hot Chocolate Breath!): Mindfulness Video Series. 

Susan Agrawal, writing on complexchild.org, reminds us “No holiday is ever going to turn out like you want it to, even if you have the most perfect storybook family in existence. Don’t expect perfection or anything even close to perfection. For some families, getting through the holidays may be as much as you can expect. For other families, changing holiday traditions may make the season not feel the same. That’s OK. Instead, try to find the blessings in the season, whether that means seeing family members or celebrating your child’s inch stones.”  

Additional Holiday Resources 

PAVE:

Neurodivergence and the holidays: Creating Joyful and Inclusive Holidays 4-Part Series:

Aging Care:

Complex Child:

Positive Behavior Supports: Continuing the model at home and in the community

Posted on by Nicol Walsh

By: Dr. Vanessa Tucker, PhD., BCBA-D

What is Positive Behavior Support?

Positive Behavior Support (PBS) is a special education initiative that informs school districts, schools and classrooms regarding prevention and intervention practices designed to teach and reinforce pro-social behaviors. Behavior supports, as we parents well know, do not end at the schoolhouse door. Interfering behaviors can and do continue to manifest themselves in other settings and present a real and present challenge to parents and caregivers raising children with special needs.

The field of PBS is built on the premise of universal interventions that are designed to teach behaviors that prevent negative or challenging ones from occurring. These universal interventions, or Tier I, are effective for most children, but approximately 15 to 20% will need something much more intense in order to experience success. These children require what are known as Tier II and Tier III Interventions. Tier II interventions are designed to address the 15% who need more focused interventions. These may be temporary or may be needed on an ongoing basis. A small number of children (approximately 5%) will require intensive interventions, or Tier III, designed to support the most challenging behaviors. As a parent, you may find that problematic behaviors are a top priority for you due to your child’s unique needs. Parents can benefit from applying the same basic system of PBS in the home and community in order to mitigate the presence of interfering behaviors as well as teaching and reinforcing acceptable replacements. The focus of this brief article will be on prevention tactics that parents and caregivers can implement in the home and community.

Prevention as Intervention

Challenging or interfering behaviors occur for a wide variety of reasons. In many cases a communication breakdown is the “culprit.” In other words, children who have communication delays often resort to behaviors we don’t want in order to let us know what they do want! Children may also engage in challenging behavior due to stress, fatigue, unmet needs for attention, or because they have learned a habit that “works” for them. For example, the child may engage in mild to moderate aggression toward a parent when they first arrive at home as a means of accessing attention. This is problematic as the child inevitably is reinforced for these behaviors when the parent provides the designed attention. The first order of business in PBS is to teach and reinforce behaviors and/or to change our own practices as a means of prevention. In addition, it is strongly recommended that you work with your school team and utilize the Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) and Positive Behavior Intervention Plan (PBIP) to guide your interventions at home. Pay close attention to the described “function” or reason(s) why your child engages in challenging behaviors. You’ll want to plan your interventions based upon those hypothesized functions. For example, if your child’s aggression is due to escape from unwanted tasks, you’ll want to find ways to help him escape (e.g. ask for a break) successfully. Remember that whatever you select as an intervention should be acceptable to you and your family.

In order to be efficient, you will want to analyze the various times, areas and places where challenging behaviors are most likely to occur. Create a simple matrix of your activities and rate your child’s behaviors as (a) non-problematic, (b) somewhat problematic, or (c) very problematic. Target those areas that are “very problematic” first. Decide what could be creating or maintaining the problematic behavior. Is your child in need of communication supports? Does he understand what is expected of him? Does she need more visuals in order to do what you want? Is her need for attention being met in ways that are unacceptable? Are there sibling issues? Tackling the most difficult areas first will bolster your ability to dive into the smaller issues later and may actually address them inadvertently through your interventions with the bigger ones.

The following table (Table 1.0) presents a list of general recommendations and justifications for prevention of challenging behaviors at home or in the community.

Table 1.0 Tactics for Prevention of Challenging Behaviors

Tactic Rationale Example
Non-Contingent Reinforcement/Planned Attention Your child may need your attention and will engage in whatever behavior necessary to obtain it. You want your child to obtain your attention without having to engage in mild to moderate behaviors to receive it. When you come home spend the first 10 or so minutes with your child before you check email, answer the phone or do anything else. Plan this and stick with it. Give your child (or children) your undivided attention before you do anything else.
Schedules-Visuals and/or Written Your child may need the same structural supports that they use in the school setting in order to predict what is coming, what is done, and what is expected of them. They may not be able to predict these things as successfully if given with verbal prompts only. Create and use schedules with visuals or words for family routines. This might include an activity schedule for evening activities, for a bathing routine or a trip to the store. Rely on your school staff for support in this area. They can assist you to build and use these systems.
Transition Schedules and Objects Your child may need more information than you require in order to successfully understand and navigate transitions. You may need to provide him with more information about what is coming and what will happen. Challenging behaviors may result from a breakdown in understanding what is coming or what is expected. Create a transition schedule such as a white board with icons and/or line drawings. Some children benefit from a basic checklist that they can “check off” as they go. Others need a transition object (e.g. a teddy bear, or something else that is comforting) in order to successfully navigate transitions.
Demand-free time after school All children are tired to some degree or another after school. For some children, the social demands of school have left them with very little in the “tank” at the end of the day. Behaviors may occur because the child needs rest from social and other demands. Consider providing 30 minutes or more of demand-free time (e.g. no homework) after school. Pair this with a timer and allow the child to engage in something that is soothing, restful and relaxing. Don’t pair this with their favorite and most reinforcing activity-save that for after they complete what you want later in the evening, especially if that involves homework or chores. Engage them in a schedule with demands (homework and chores, etc.) after a period of rest.
Homework and Chores A child may balk at the idea of homework and/or chores, which are regular expectations of most parents after school. You may find that children engage in a lot of challenging behavior around these two areas. Consider the rest time after school as the first line of defense. Then, consider using a visual system that breaks down what they have to do, how long they have to do it, and when they are finished. Break things into smaller pieces (called “chunking”) and consider pairing with breaks in between each piece. Show visuals of what you expect the finished product to be. For example, what does a clean bathroom look like? Show each part in a picture format.
Token System Your child may not be particularly motivated to engage in things that are outside of his/her interest area. Challenging behaviors may occur despite your efforts to provide visual structure and break things into smaller pieces. She may need a more tangible way to motivate her to comply with what you want. Consider adding in a token system designed to provide reinforcement for desired behaviors. If possible, mirror the ones used at school if they are effective in motivating the child to comply. Creating a “First, then” procedure allows the child to see that after they do what you want, they will get something that they want. For example, “first clean bathroom, then 20 minutes of iPad” is a reasonable expectation. Provide tokens (stickers on a chart, poker chips on a velcro board) for each step of the bathroom clean up. Make sure you follow through with the earned reinforcer once they’ve complied.

Summary

Challenging behaviors in the home and community are never easy for parents or caregivers to address. Working with your school team, you can come up with ways to support your child so that they understand what you want and have the tools to engage in replacement behaviors that are acceptable to everyone. Many children with disabilities benefit from the same basic principles of PBS that are used in schools. A focus on prevention can decrease stress, increase compliance and teach replacements that lead to better behavior in all settings.